I lead a very unique lifestyle.
If you’ve been reading the blog and this comes as a shock to you I suggest you pause, move your cursor to the red box in the corner of the page, click on it, and sign yourself up for the next available reading comprehension test in your area.
For those of you still with me, my social scene inevitably opens itself up to an interesting world of dating and other pursuits. As Taylor Swift once said, “You know I love the players and you love the game,” so here is the #ManhattanProjectRedux “How to…” of that game.
Inspired by the 2003 film How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, I’ve mastered How to Drop a Guy in 5 Ways. Unlike, Andie Anderson however, I don’t have to go to Staten Island or wait a week and half to get the job done, even with the tough to break hipster Osama Bin Laden look-alikes in the East Village.
The foundation of these steps is key. Always go out with your wingwoman who knows your plan and how to properly execute it. A good wingwoman knows the answer to the basic question before the night begins; are you two going home with 99-cent pizza, or something hotter?
The best wingwoman knows when you need her to swoop in and save you fight or flight style and when to flutter away so you can get to spreading your- wings.
How to Drop a Guy in 5 Ways…
1. The Contact Con.
The simplest of moves, The Contact Con, allows you to be proactive rather than reactive. This is to be used when you notice a pair of eyes on you that you want to avoid. Also important to note, guys who fall for this ploy typically don’t have a high interest level.
First drop you eyes to the floor. Widen your lids and stroke the eyelash closest to the guy with your index finger and thumb. Do all of this while moving away from your admirer to avoid.
If you’re feeling ready for the expert level you can try adding a few steps.
First, add a strong blink while opening your mouth, locking your jaw and flaring your nostrils. Any bats hanging around in the cave will be sure to catch his eye as you drop yours to the floor and continue into this subtle but powerful move.
2. The Lost Puppy
Once again, a simple but effective play in the “free me” game. This card is to be played when you’re alone and need an escape before you get sucked in. This is where you swallow your pride and act as clueless as Sarah Palin in a 2008 interview.
Dart your eyes around the room and say, “Oh no! I lost my friend. I’ll be back.”
The key is to leave before he has time to respond and suggest helping you look for her. Saying you’ll be back also allows you to play the field a bit and if the competition is weak, play fetch.
3. The Name Exchange
This move steps it up a notch and requires a little preplanning with your wingwoman for the perfect execution. The name exchange brings all theories of girl code to light and acts as a secret form of communication.
When you and your wingwoman are approached by a guy, or pair of guys, and you don’t have time to fully assess the situation, your introduction will tell it all.
If you’re interested and want to talk to the guy give your wingwoman the heads up by introducing yourself correctly. If you know right away you’re not interested in the guy and you need your wingwoman to help you out exchange your name for a new one.
Warning: If you’re staying in one bar for the night, stick to one fake name. Things get complicated when you’re walking around a confined space being called Michaela, Lexi, Blair, Anna, and Jessica…or so I hear.
4. The Sip and Dip
Slightly more assertive than the previous three, this move is to be used on the guy who won’t take no for an answer and insists on buying you a drink, so you accept. After all, it would be heartless to completely destroy his ego and your bill can really rack up if you’re buying your own drinks all night.
Position yourself behind him when he orders the drinks. This forces him to pass the drink back to you. Nine times out of 10 he will pause before he turns to grab his own drink. This is where you make the sip and then dip away when he turns his back.
5. The Number Fumbler
Number 5 is for the stage 5 clingers. Those guys who are determined to get your number and won’t let the conversation die until they get it. They’ll even go into depth as to why they should have your number after you first turn them down.
Desperate? Yes. Entertaining? Usually.
The set up to this move defines the rest of the play. Turn down the first number request and also say your phone is dead. In further pursuits he will suggest you give him your number anyway and you can text him back when you get a charge.
This is where you play your trump card.
Agree, but give him a number that you know off-hand and isn’t close to yours. Gone are the days of completely throwing a guy off by changing one number; I think Charles Darwin did some studies on this evolution of male communication after his work with the finches.
Leave him with the fake number by saying you need to find your friend with your charger and you’ll text him soon.
Unfortunately, including 911, there are only a few numbers I know as well as my own. A little overuse of this move on St. Patrick’s Day revealed me to my scapegoat and now Tyler won’t stop texting my brother looking for Michaela.
For successful dating and relationship tips you should probably read another blog, but to keep up on the latest of #ManhattanProjectRedux stay tuned for more guac to be shared.